 This week I started the "100 Days of Summer" challenge on Spark People. Part of yesterday's challenge was to walk or run harder (incline or faster) than you normally do. Pfffft I thought. I thought Sunday was to be a day of rest. So - it was sunny out. This is great, because it has been raining daily for years ... or so it seems. I guess the vitamin D kicked in and I grabbed the dogs and decided to head up the hill.
The plan was to only walk to the entrance of the trail that is by my place because, well, I hate the trail. The walk up to the entrance to the trail is bad enough. I started up the hill. First thought that came into my head as I started to huff was "God, I hate going up hill." But, I continued. It flattened out after a bit and my heart rate went back to normal and actually didn't elevate that much and in no time I was at the entrance to the trail. Hmmmm .... should I? The dogs were looking at me expectantly, wagging their tails. Big puppy dog eyes. Pleeeeeeeese? Pfffft. Fine! Just for a little bit. Now I should point out I hate hiking. I always have. I love the outdoors, and I love trails but I don't like going up hill. I love the alpine meadows, but put me in a helicopter and drop me off at the top, with a bottle of wine thank you very much . I don't like hiking! I hate that feeling of your heart pumping out of your chest like its going to explode. The gasps for air. Your butt feeling like its on fire. I'm not a fan. Let me also point out that the trail is really only an intermediate trail. It's not an expert trail by any means. My skinny husband does it damn near every day. But he's a skinny glutton, and if he didn't bring home a pay cheque I'd ... oh never mind. Anyways, it's not like it's the most difficult trail, but the first 10 minutes or so is tough for me. At the peek of the tough part are these killer 15 stairs. The rest of the trail is up and down and more hilly than straight up and therefore more doable for me. But I loathe the beginning 10-15 minutes. I usually stop and take a few breaths (cursing all the while underneath those gasps for air) while I pretend to look for the beagle or call the lab. When in reality I'm trying not to pass out. So back to today. I'm walking at a regular pace, up hill. I'm going along, haven't really stopped yet to 'look for the dogs'. I'm just plugging along enjoying the vitamin D. I'm thinking to myself, I must not have hit the hard part yet. I'm breathing deep breaths but not gasping. I'm just trudging along. After a bit I look up and I'm almost startled. There are the stairs. The freakin' stairs. The stairs that are my nemesis. They're right there. It didn't hardly take any time at all! And I'm not falling over. Not gasping. Not cursing. I went up the flight of stairs and stood there. I actually patted myself on the back. What an improvement! I was rather proud of myself. My daily walks over the last six weeks have made an improvement in my cardio endurance! Who knew? Certainly not me. I continued on for the rest of the 1 hour walk/hike and rather enjoyed it. I know! That's what I thought! Now don't get me wrong. I still hate hiking. The West Coast Trail (Sorry Aaron) is not on my bucket list and I doubt I'll become a weekend warrior. But I did it and I'm proud of myself. I may even put it into my routine once a week before all the bears show up. Thank you 100 days of Summer for your silly little challenge. If I hadn't of had to switch things up yesterday I wouldn't have made my little discovery about myself. Cayla PS - I am loving Sparkpeople.com. Best decision I've made in a while.
 I'm sitting here this morning, about to take the dogs for their morning walk, looking outside at my office window at the grass that desperately needs to be mowed and a garden that needs someone with some imagination and brawn (clearly not me). I have a whack of work that I need to finish today and yet I feel so content, so at peace.
I was trying to figure out why. Is it because I've been taking my Black Cohash again? Any woman over 40 should know what I mean by that. That is a possibility. But I think it's not all. Although, trust me that stuff is like gold to me.
Life is far from perfect. My husband still annoys me to no end half of the time, there are still way too many animals in my house, so much work to do, not enough money in the bank and yet ...
Over the past few years I have changed. A lot. It really started almost twenty years ago. Coming clean with my past - letting the chips fall where they may. Ending a bad relationship and the decades long pain and suffering those particular choices brought along with them. Those choices aided in losing my paternal family, my married family, my church family, most so called friends, everything I owned, and my marriage. I was as alone as alone could be. But, I had stood up for myself for the first time in my life. The freedom that brought was huge. But the pain and loneliness soon took hold and dragged me to the bottom. I had despair that I thought would never leave. I lost my spark. I lost my ability to laugh. I lost my soul. I felt abandoned by everyone, by God and by those that I thought loved me, but in reality didn't. Would I change it? No. As awful as it was, I wouldn't. Because through that I have found myself. My real me.
Turning 50 is really an amazing journey. You get to a point that you don't give a rip what anyone says anymore. You're going to do what you do. You're going to take care of you and the people that you love, but you're going to take care of you.
I've come such a long way and I am so thankful for that. Losing the people from my past has been the best thing for me. People that are in your past are not in your present for a reason. I am truly free. There is no toxicity in my life. My friends are real friends. I have acquaintances and I enjoy their friendship. But I have those that I care about deeply and we are there for each other in a heartbeat. They are my true friends. My family is small. Very small. And that's the way I want it.
I am acting again. I am singing again. I'm writing again. I may be old. I may be well past my prime, but I still have a lot to offer.
I am taking care of my body. News flash - I've lost 10lbs! I joined SparkPeople and it is the best for me! I'm logging my food and liking it! Yes, you need to re read that. I am logging my food and actually liking it. SparkPeople has an amazing way of taking the focus off of calories and on to your health if you let it. So I worry more about a balanced day rather than how many calories I am eating. I eat the way I always eat - just not like a lumber jack (which I always said was the problem). That's it. No dieting - God no. Just eating healthy and within a healthy calorie range. I've even figured out how to make it work during birthdays and Easter. Have I actually "figured it out" for real????? God I hope so.
I can feel at peace knowing that God knows my heart and why I did what I did two decades ago. God knows the truth and that's enough for me. I've stopped fighting. I know there are those out there who have gotten away with their 'deeds' so to speak and the abundance of lies or at least it felt like that to me. I had this feeling of being unheard. So many lies said about me that I thought no one knew the real truth. It was like no one cared. People who would brush it aside or say, So? Just forgive Cayla and forget. That irritated me to no end and still does. People are so naive when they say that. Then one day recently a thought came to me - I know that God is the biggest and best prosecutor there ever could be and that it's OK for me to just let it go. I don't need to hang on to my old life any more. For the first time in my life I am truly free.
Why my life has taken the twists and turns that it has I will never know. My plans are not God's plans that's for sure. But I have learned so much and I am who I am because of it. And when I was alone, God was always there with me. It may have been a still small voice, but he was there.
So here I sit surrounded by life and I am happy and content. Why? Because life is so good. I am surrounded by those I truly love. I'm doing what I was created to do, wherever that may lead. I've found some balance. I take time for myself and to spend it with my friends. I'm continuing to grow as a person. And I'm turning 50!!!
Yes life is good.
Yesterday was St. Patrick's Day. Top 'o the marrnin' to ya and all that. Now be it known, I'm not Irish. Not a drop of Irish blood runs through these veins. Scottish yes. Irish no. But St. Patrick's day involves Irish Whiskey, and beer and general frivolity, whilst Robbie Burns day involves Haggis. Game over.
So in our house, in our own way we celebrate St. Patrick's Day. I make something traditional for dinner. Buy some Guinness and my husband and I watch a movie in the evening with something to do with Ireland. The favourite being Waking Ned Divine. I do love that movie.
Yesterday was no different. I love to cook and I love to keep things simple. I'm not a fancy cook, but I'm a good cook and I like that. I'm that way with a lot of things. My house isn't fancy, but it's nice and homey. I don't walk around in designer this and that, but I try to look put together, unless of course I'm walking the dogs, then I look like a bag lady. I figure, the neighbours deserve to know their real neighbour - that way when I arrive at their party all dolled up it's a surprise.
 I didn't even bother to iron the napkins. Mother would be mortified. Yesterday I made Shepherd's Pie in my cast iron pan (my god I do love that pan). A fresh garden salad for some greenery and Bananas Flambe for dessert. I made the Bananas Flambe with Irish Whiskey (it was St. Patrick's Day after all) and served it over slices of pound cake with a scoop of real vanilla ice cream. Dinner was very tasty indeed, but the dessert was heavenly. It was quick - I whipped it up after dinner - ready and served in about 10-15 minutes. And absolutely oh my God, worth every calorie kind of good. I should have taken a picture, but I was too busy playing with fire and really just wanted to get into it.
Now for the real reason for this post. After eating all of that, I was sick. Walking sluggishly in search of the couch after Christmas dinner kind of sick. I was so full it was disgusting. Why I do that to myself I do not know. There is no answer except to say that I like my own cooking, and I love food. it is in times like this that I put food first ahead of my health and my goals. I haven't blogged about weight in a while. To be honest I have been trying to figure out where I stand on the subject. But Spring is starting to spring and with that my energy and feeling of well being and new beginnings emerge and the thought of weight and the excess of it rears its ugly head, again. I've said it before and I'll say it again I hate diets. I don't want to be on one. I really just want to figure things out for me. What works for me - this body at this age. The magic words - a lifestyle change. Lord help me. Those of you who have read my past posts know that for a while there I was making a change every week. For the first little while things were going well and then all of a sudden it became overwhelming. My pea brain can only handle a few changes at a time. So I've decided to bring things back to reality and take things slow. I'm going to do three things. 1. Drink my water. 2. Walk every day. 3. Log my food intake. That's it. I eat fairly healthy - last night's dinner was an anomaly in our house. Really it was. Tonight is grilled chicken with feta, olives and sun dried tomatoes, Kasha, and broccoli. I might have a glass of wine too. That's more the norm for us. Actually I lie, tonight is my first time making Kasha - it may be the last, but if not Kasha it would be brown rice. I am going to yell from the roof tops "Logging my food is a pain in the butt!". Wash the floor, log my food - same diff. Iron, log my food - same diff. However, I want to get a grip on whats going on with my body and that is more important to me that feeling inconvenienced. I figure logging my food could be rather eye opening. If I'm honest with myself I may find out I'm eating 3000 calories a day. What? That's too much? No! I have joined Spark People to help me along the way and to hopefully keep me motivated. It's a great site full of information, but the best part of it all is that it's totally free. And we all know I'm cheap. My goal is to log everything I put into my body consistently for one week. But right now I'm starting with one meal at a time. They say the truth shall set you free - we shall see about that. Making sure I drink all of my water takes concentration. Apparently the more water I drink the more concentration I'll have. So, it should be easy - and I can track it within Spark People too. Easy peasy. Walking every day is not a chore. I love that. Making the time to do it within my schedule can be a pain, but with the days getting longer things are on the upswing. I'm going to make walking a priority in my life. Plain and simple. So there you have it from what seemed to be a gazillion changes down to three. Let's see how this works.In the same vein, a friend of mine has started a blog - she's witty and is just starting out on her journey into weight loss. You might enjoy her blog too called My Big Fat Canadian Ass.
 __I know. I know. I haven't been posting. I think I am having my own mid life crisis and am too afraid to put all of my thoughts out there. What if I'm going crazy? Do you all need to know that for sure? Well, some of you already know that, but still - better to not remove all doubt.
I never have been good at keeping my mouth shut, just ask my husband. So, here I go again. This past weekend and the coming weekend I portray the beautiful and talented Peggy Lee in a show. This is a remount of a show I did last year - about 20 pounds ago, and of course have to fit into the same costumes. There is this certain dress. The "Fever" dress. My show stopper dress. The dress I was terrified I wouldn't be able to zip up. The dress that I thought I may look like a stuffed sausage in.
First, there are no photos so don't even ask. I would more than likely be mortified because I will fully admit I do not see what everyone else sees. I can unequivocally say I do not look like Jessica Rabbit in her red dress. I see flab there, wiggles there and bulges over there and oh I pick myself apart like you wouldn't believe. I am supposed to be perfect, and yet perfection is far from my grasp and I'm turning 50 not 20. My head knows all of this yet still I don't seem to give myself a break.
Here's the thing. The dress zipped up. I almost cried. It was tight granted, but I could move. I could sing. I wasn't uncomfortable. Here's the other thing the audience saw Peggy Lee. They loved me. In fact they loved me from the first moment I walked on stage. I could feel it. They were with me the entire show. They didn't pick me apart. Oh I am sure there were some out there that were less than kind, but I don't need to think about them. I heard the majority of the response.
In my time of performing before an audience I have had some amazing moments on stage. One time was after singing "Bridge Over Troubled Water" with just the piano and me - the audience of about 900 just exploded when I finished. It was an incredible moment that I will never forget. There are others, but another one for the memory book was this past weekend. I performed "Fever" and the audience reaction was incredible. They clapped when the bass started. They clapped again when I started to sing. The snapped along the entire time. The packed house absolutely cheered and clapped for what seemed like forever when I was done. And my typical excuse when something like that happens - Oh, I had friends in the audience - it had to be them. But in this case - no. I knew no one. No one knew me. Another part of me says that they are obviously starved for entertainment, but still they loved it! It was obvious. Me, in my too tight red dress, with the flabby bits here, and the wiggles and bulges over there. Me. Not my body. Me.
Now I just need to start doing that.
Frustration abounds right now. I have not seen a grain nor eaten a slice of bread since since December 25th. I haven't had a piece of fruit since then either. I have eaten eggs, meat, vegetables, 15 pistachios per day, dark chocolate 3 pieces (until my Christmas bars were gone), once slice of cheese per day (pre cut) olive and coconut oil. I had two glasses of red wine on New Years Eve and a gin last night because my husband brought it to me and said "For crying out loud it's not going to kill you - enjoy your drink!" So I did. And it was good.
I've been 'exercising'. I started with dancing with the Wii - much fun with my daughter. Then I bought Jillian Michael's 30 day shred - That's what I wanted to do right? OMG! That is one tough work out! I mean it's like boot camp all over again, but in 20 minutes. I thought I would get it and be on level 3 in no time. Ha! I don't dare move on to level 2. But I feel good after. She is hard hitting, no excuses, get your butt in gear and work. I like that. It's the first tape that I feel like I have a personal trainer telling me to move it! And when you feel like packing it in she says "Don't you dare. Keep going. It's not for free!" So, I have to admit - I kinda like exercising with her. Here's the thing ...
I haven't lost a pound. Well I did and gained it back. Argh. That red dress is looming and what the hell am I going to do?
I'm figuring my body likes this plump weight. I've plateaued before I even started. So I'm going to do a soup thing for three days. Three days only. It's a healthy soup and nothing too drastic. It has meat and vegetables in it. Just certain types of vegetables to help cleanse the body. I'll eat some protein for breakfast and then the soup for lunch and dinner for three days. Then I'll go back low carb until the show. Let's see if that makes a difference. I have two weeks until the first show and another week until the next show.
I don't think two weeks is enough time. Oh lord. My chest just got tight.
 _Every journey has a rest stop. Doesn't it? Mine just did.
I haven't forgotten about my journey to 50 - trust me it's been on my mind a lot. And I certainly haven't forgotten about my two loyal readers. Are you still out there?
December 2011 was an interesting month for me. To be honest it's a blur.
I have been bragging for a while now that I haven't been sick in years. I haven't. That is until December 2011. I start to get sick like everyone else. I catch a cold or flu with all the rest of the population. The only thing is it doesn't take. I can usually fight it off. You see I have my secret weapon Ginger Tea. I make it by simmering fresh ginger in a small pot of water for about 20 minutes. I drink this mixture all day. Sometimes adding lemon, honey and or cayenne to the mix. I take hot baths to raise my internal temperature and rest for a day or two then take it easy for a couple more. When I do this I fight off whatever is in my system and voila my record of not being sick in years. That is until this December.
I came down with H3N2 as it was later diagnosed. My body started to fight it off as it usually does. I was even feeling a little cocky about it all - ready to blog about my blessed Ginger Tea. Unfortunately I became ill the week that I had to sing 6 of 7 days. Performing takes a lot out of you physically. Doing a performance on stage is like doing physical labour for an entire day. I tend to be ravenous, exhausted and wired at the end of a show. Trust me, it's not something you want to do while sick. There's a code amongst performers though. The audience doesn't care if you're sick, having a fight with your husband, or just lost your dog. They came to see you perform and perform you must and perform I did. I always love to perform. After all it is my passion. Performing is not work for me. It's not like a job. When I get paid for it I go 'woo hoo! You want to pay me too?' Not this time though. This time was hard to do. This time I felt like I was pulling something from my toes. I performed with a fever. I performed with 'man voice'. I did my best under the circumstance. And I wouldn't change it at all. But I paid for it.
In order for my ginger tea to work the body must rest. I didn't. I couldn't given the circumstances. And then when it was all said and done it was Christmas time. There was shopping to do. Presents to wrap. Projects to complete. There were client deadlines that needed to be finished. I simply couldn't rest. So I kept going. And that's why December is a blur. I was sick for almost the entire month. Boo hoo and lets have a pity party.
The first thing to go was the blog. The second thing to go (about two seconds later) was all of my little changes. And I'm talking every one. I ate poorly. Had no energy to do anything including cook properly, take the dogs for a walk or drink a glass of water. My charitable nature said 'buh bye'. I didn't fall of the wagon - I leaped off and caught the train in the opposite direction.
So all this 'feel sorry for myself' blather to tell you why I didn't blog. The reason why I fell off the wagon in such a commanding way. The reason why my pants are so tight. The reason, the reason, the reason.
But it's done and I am finally feeling like myself. And it's a new year! Happy New Year to my two readers. I turn 50 this year! Ahhhhhh.
The good news is when I weighed myself this morning with fear and trepidation I was the exact same weight I was in January 2011. This means that I didn't gain anything for a whole year. That would be good if I hadn't have lost around 20-25 lbs and then gained them all back. Argh. But still I am not heavier.
Here is the bad news. I have a show coming up in January. The first performance is the 20th I believe. I have to fit in the costumes I fit into in May 2011. These are desperate times people. Some of those dresses were tight on me then! I shudder at the thought. I'm going to look like a piece of sausage stuffed into some red satin with feathers. My worst nightmare could possibly come true.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. As you know deprivation is not my idea of fun. Neither is exercise in the 'one more, two more' sense. However I am going to take on both for the next three weeks or so. I am saying good by to my beloved carbohydrates for a few weeks. Good bye Carbs - I'll miss you. No bread. No grain. No starchy veggies. No dairy. No fun. And I'm pulling out some old exercise tapes and dusting them off. I may even put them in the Blu-Ray player and push play. Lets face it I have to do something. I don't recommend to others what I am doing. I prefer to do things simply - but it is what it is and I must do what I have to do. I do promise I won't do it for long. I'll go back to my healthy way of eating once I am feeling a little more comfortable in my own skin and not afraid to stand sideways or breathe on stage.
As far as my journey is concerned I'm going to stop making myself come up with something each week. I need to concentrate on the changes that I have made and put them into real action. There are too many right now to keep adding. For instance today I was writing in my new 'to do' notebook - I give myself a new one each quarter - I was rewriting my goals etc. and I noticed one of the changes - eat slowly. I thought "Whoa. I forgot about that one." That's not right. What's the point of making a change if you can't keep them all in your head? So I'm going to simplify things a bit.
I'll continue to blog each week letting you know my progress. So let it be heard I'm on the road again. After all, it's a new dawn. It's a new day. It's a New Year. And I'm feelin' fine.
 _I seem to be spinning my wheels. As much as I love the BS&T song "Spinning Wheel", I don't want it in my personal life. Here I am 13 weeks into this journey and I seem no better off than I was when I started. That's not totally accurate. There are some improvements. I am more aware of a lot of things and when I think of them I make the change. But nothing is lifestyle. Nothing is habit. Nothing is changing. I'm frustrated.
Christmas time is a tough time to make changes. There are so many things to do. So many errands to run. Decorations to put up. Things to prepare. Lists to write (Santa included). Adding remembering to walk enough; drink my water; don't eat in the evenings seems insurmountable. Argh. It's frustrating. I feel like I am failing at every turn.
This challenge has turned out to be harder than I realized. I guess it would be easier if I was seeing phenomenal results, which I am not. My skin is nicer - I did notice that. And I've lost the 5lb I gained when I was 'budgeting' my groceries and eating more beans and legumes. But other than that? Not a whole heck of a lot.
Again, that's not totally accurate. Last week my goal was to do something kind to someone every day of the week. When you're at home all day it can prove difficult. But I did find moments to add some kindness to the world or NAAMM's as I call them (Not all about me moments)
Sunday - I donated some clothing.
- I talked to the Grocery Clerk and found out about her school. Her dreams. Her bunny.
Monday - Made my husband a lunch while he was outside working and brought it to him
- Complimented two people at Choir Rehearsal
- Went out of my way to talk to someone I didn't know in Choir and get to know them more
Tuesday - This guy phoned the house right in the middle of my work day. He is a friend of my husband's and a terrible 'babbler'. At first I was frustrated and rolling my eyes, kicking myself for picking up the phone. Then I thought of my challenge and I stopped and listened. I gave him the respect he deserves. That was a big one for me.
Wednesday - I talked to the kid at the Deli. Called him by name.
Thursday - I brought a treat for my nail technician
- I made my daughter's lunch just because.
Friday - I let an older man in front of me during a long line up at Sears.
- I donated to the Harvest Project.
- I held the door open for a lady with her shopping cart, and the 6 or so people who followed behind her.
Saturday - I bought my daughter some gas for her car.
I haven't changed the world, but I've tried to make it a nicer place.
Still I am frustrated. I feel like I'm doing all of this 'stuff' but not really getting anywhere. There must be something I can do so that I am taking more steps forward than backward.
 _
Focus. I need to focus. I find this a very difficult thing to do. Focus. I'm thinking all the time about anything and everything. Focus. I'm spinning my wheels. Focus. One thing at a time. Focus.
What does this mean? When I am at work I need to focus on work. Not Facebook, or what I need to do later, but work. When I am writing my blog I need to focus on it. When I'm rehearsing I need to focus on that. When I'm with my family I need to focus on them. When I am having coffee with a friend I need to focus my attention my friend and our conversation. Focus. When I'm eating, focus on what I am eating and how it tastes. Focus. One thing at a time. Not twelve. One. Focus.
Week 14 - Focus.
 _Confession #1: I used to (and still do) look at people who write blogs as ego maniacs. It's a pretty big ego when a nobody like myself thinks that people are interested in what they have to say. I fought writing a blog for years for this very reason and 'poo pooed' anyone who did. Then I started this blog.
Confession #2: Blogging is so therapeutic. Even though I ramble on and on to my possibly two readers about how to do this or what to do about that, when it comes down to it I am the one who has benefited from the whole thing. It's like I get my words out. This incessant need to get my thoughts out there is abated for a few days.
Confession #3: I have narcissistic tendencies ... I'll admit it.
But then, nowadays who doesn't? If I tell my daughter I have a flat tire and am going to be late, it becomes about how long she is going to wait for dinner. If I tell my husband my neck hurts, it becomes about how I never listen to his advice and blah blah blah blah blah. OK, so I'm exaggerating, but not that much. It's what we do. We are a 'me' society.
My daughter, who works at a video store, was telling me that hardly any customers look her in the eye when they come to the counter. With some of the choices they make in movies they rent, I can understand why, but it has bothered my daughter enough that she has mentioned it to me a few times, and even written about it in a Facebook status.
I find I can go through my day and not notice anyone or anything. I'm so busy rushing with a whole lot of to do about nothing. It's pathetic.
I've been thinking about this for a while. I've been trying to be more aware of people. More helpful. More kind. More generous. Then this morning a girlfriend of mine was mentioning on Facebook that today was the first day of Advent. I'm not Catholic so I am unfamiliar with the whole Advent thing, except for the chocolate calendars. Walmart had them for $1 this year! I digress. One of the traditions of her family is to draw a family member's name at random on the first day of advent. Then they have to do something nice for that person every day for four weeks. Four weeks of kindness! Wow. Of course being my narcissistic self my first thought was "oooh, I'd have 28 days of something nice happening" not thinking that I would have to do it too. As I only read about her tradition today I think it's a little late to spur it on my family - "Hey guess what we're doing? Now you have to do something lovely every day to _______ for four weeks. Have at 'er." I don't think that would go over that well.
But it got me to thinking what if I chose to draw the 'world' as my name in the hat. What if I do something nice for someone, anyone, each day for four weeks. Take the focus off of me for once and put it on to someone else. Sounds like a good plan to me. And with the Christmas season coming up - a time of giving and family and everyone seems to be in a better mood - what could be a better time for me to do it?
Now I'm not really into the whole buy someone a coffee at Starbucks thing. To be honest I find that rather lame. It's nice and all, but unless I felt drawn to buy a particular person a coffee I don't really see the point. Anyone who is at a Starbucks buying a Vente Soya whatever has more extra money than I do and if they don't what the hell are they buying non essentials at Starbucks for? So I can't see me buying the next person who comes to the counter their mocha latte extra whip.
What I am talking about is noticing people. Getting to know them. Taking the time. Like for instance, the teller at the bank. The Walmart greeter or cashier. The cashier at grocery store. The person on the street. The person waiting in line with you. The homeless guy at the grocery store testing out all the samples. I want to give those people my time, my energy, my focus, my charity. I want to make them feel special. And in order to do that I need to be aware of my surroundings and not be on the phone. I need to take the focus off of me and on to someone else. I need to be genuinely interested.
But I don't want to limit myself - for the next four weeks I want to do something kind, or be kind to someone every day. It may mean making my daughter her lunch. It may mean giving to a local charity. It may mean bringing cookies to a neighbour. It could mean a lot of things. But I'm going to keep track of my "Not all about me moment" NAAMM in my handy dandy little book.
I guess I take the chance of writing this and having it become all about me again. I am not doing this to show how wonderful a person I am. Trust me, I'm not. I'm chalk full of flaws. I'm doing this for me, so that I am not so self absorbed.
I started already today when I bought my groceries. I dropped off some clothes at a charity which was no big deal. The best part was when I found out that the girl at the cashier is in school studying art. She wants to be an document authenticator. What's a document authenticator you ask? Well, its the person who can tell who made what in the art world by their particular technique and style even when the work is not signed by the artist. She also used to have a bunny. A little attack bunny who used to bite her and be really mean. I would not know that if I hadn't bothered to stop and notice. When I left the grocery store, she had a big smile on her face, because I took the time and was interested in her. Now to me that is an act of kindness and yet I felt better. So maybe this is all about me anyways. Oh well you can't blame a girl for trying.
Week 11 - Not all about me moments every day.
Wow! It's been a busy few days! Wonderful and busy. Not too busy to type though. I find my blathering rather therapeutic. It's like I get my thoughts out. Out there...somewhere..in the abyss of cyber space. It's rather peaceful. I highly recommend it. This week my task was to log in at least 10,000 steps per day. I did just that! Except for yesterday - but even God rested one day so I figure I'm OK. The task wasn't that hard when it came down to it. Mondays are a moving type day for me. A couple of walks with the dog and other types of activity I racked in another 15K that day. My days at clients are a lot more sedentary as was evident to me last week when I wore my Pedometer. So to fix that I make sure that I walk the dogs in the morning before heading off to work - something that they need anyways, and something that I enjoy. I try to be as active as I can at work. Taking the stairs when they are there. Getting up more. Standing while talking on the phone. Silly stuff like that. At home a little after dinner I hop on my Gazelle (again don't laugh). 15 minutes on the Gazelle is all it seems to take and I'm rocking 11K to 12K per day. This is good. I don't feel overworked or tired. But I have that feeling of oxygen in my lungs. You know that good feeling that you get? I'm not over hungry from working out like a crazy person - something that happens to me. This is very doable! So I was thinking that the last 10 weeks I have focused my little changes on this Journey to 50 on my lifestyle. They are a lot of changes. None of which are habit yet. It seems like I focus on one and another one, or two or three changes slip behind. But there is improvement in all areas. These are the changes that I have attempted to put into place - Walk with Purpose
- Drink 6-8 Glasses of Water per day
- Cut the cream from my coffee
- Eat slowly
- Interval walk when I can. Move in some way at least 6 days a week.
- No evening snacks
- Portion control
- Chew my food more
- Wear a Pedometer during November
- 10,000 steps per day
I have my personal favorites (not) #6, 7 and 8 come to mind. I read them every day, or try to and I am certainly more conscious. I'm sure eventually they will become habit. I've been thinking -these changes are all good changes. If I make these 10 changes a real part of my life I will be healthier. My body will definitely be healthier. Granted #9 is not really a change - it's just a thing - but we'll forget about that for now. So what I'm saying is for now, it's time to move on. It's time for something completely different. A change of focus. I know - I'll focus on me! I like that! I have a little book - not a little black book, my husband made me burn it. But a little book that I bought at Chapters for $2. It is a journal I guess and has a big flower on the cover. My little book is a system that I have used for a number of years, but I have become a little lazy as of late and need to get back on track with it. My little book keeps me organized and feeling more in control. It's my own system that I started when I found I was forgetting things all the time. As a matter of fact, I thought I had the beginnings of Alzheimer. Not until someone laughed at me and informed me that it was just one of the myriad of symptoms of Mental Pause or the decade long lead up into Mental Pause did I feel relief. So no, I am not crazy people - it's just hormones. God love 'em. Here's how my little book saved/saves my life. _My book has three sections.- To Do
- Notes
- Groceries/Shopping
It seems pretty self explanatory but I'll explain it anyways. I have sectioned off each portion of the book with these little peel and stick tabs that I can write on. My To Do is the largest section. The Notes section is the smallest (but I think I need to increase it). 1. In my To Do I keep track of my Pedometer steps. My business meetings and deadlines. Phone calls I need to make. Errands I need to run during the day. Stuff I need to do around the house. Walking the Dog. Gazelle. My Journey to 50 changes (which are starting to take up a lot of room) That sort of stuff. I keep the notes from my business day for billing purposes. It's really an important part of my life. A day timer doesn't do it for me. I need space. I need freedom. Sometimes my To Do's are 1/2 a page. Other times they are two pages long. If something happens of particular note during the day I'll write it down to be transferred to a different section (either my desk calendar, or blackberry or whatever) later in the day. 2. My Notes section is the coolest section of them all. I am finding this section to be so helpful. I have notes in there from last Christmas. Things like "Cayla DON'T BUY ANY TREE ORNAMENTS! YOU HAVE TOO MANY!", to Warde put the Christmas decorations away last year - you had better start looking for them early 'cause you have no idea where anything is. I also have - "Buy a new Trifle bowl - you need one" and "The Green Bean recipe in the Christmas folder is awesome. Make it again." Do you have any idea how handy that is? You think you'll remember but you don't. It's like Oh yeah! That's right! I also write stuff I want to do at some point. There are things that I'll see or want to do that happen once a year and I'll have missed it for one reason or another. I write it down and I'm ready for it the next year!I put ideas for gifts - which is helpful during the year when you see something or hear a loved one say "I need a new ______". I write down ideas for parties - My Julie/Julia party came from that book. Songs I want to learn. Ideas for writing songs. Books I want to read. I write down t hings I want to do around the house, paint the bedroom. Paint the office. That slugs don't eat geraniums. That putting flowers in the stump worked really well - do it again. My personal goals. My Journey to 50 changes. The mileage of my car at the beginning of the year (a handy piece of information for tax purposes). I put in information regarding my clients (that only I can understand) so that I have it when I need to access it. The list goes on and on and on ... sort of like me. Needless to say, I love my Notes section. It is the best.3. The Grocery/Shopping - OK this is as boring as it sounds. But, when I am running out of something I jot it in here. If I need to pick up a couple of items I just look at my list and there it all is. It's boring but useful. So my 11th change is -
 _This cat is back on track and organized
I pledge to start each day more organized. Morning coffee and a To Do list it is for me. I will go over my goals each morning. My journey to 50 list. My list of things I want to do with the house. My personal goals. Keep them all fresh and in my mind.
Have a good week everyone and I'll let you know how it goes.
 It WAS elementary. Like the old bumper sticker "I found it" ... I think. I found the main culprit of the 'blossoming'. The main cause of my general girth. Especially in the winter months. It is ... drum roll please ... movement or lack thereof. Now for those of you who actually read my posts you will know that step number one on my Journey to 50 was and still is " move with purpose". I have been doing that for the most part. I still have to remind myself, but there is definite improvement. As a matter of fact, I have been pretty good lately with all of my small changes. I have been noticeably eating slower. Consuming Smaller portions ... sort of. Drinking my water. etc. But still. With the recent time change I am more aware this year than other years at how much the clock change has affected my lifestyle. Suddenly taking the dogs out for a quick walk when I got home from work stopped. It was too dark to go outside. The darkness brought with it inactivity. Sloth like inactivity. Let the blossoming begin. So last week even though I wrote about chocolate (a particular favorite post of mine), I decided that my change for the week would be to wear a pedometer for the month of November. This way I could see just what was happening throughout the month. I knew that I would more than likely get competitive with myself and the darn numbers, but I wanted to get an accurate reading of what my typical days were like.It went something like this.
 _Monday - I typically work from home. I took the dogs for a couple of walks. I purposefully moved around more. Every time there was recycling to put away, I wouldn't be typical and let it pile up - I ran it downstairs and put it in the box. I worked a regular day, but was more conscientious of my movements. I had a rehearsal in the evening and parked farther away and walked more. I racked up over 15,000 steps that day. Easy Schmeezy I thought. That was no work at all - just a regular day. I felt great about it all. Silly girl.
Tuesday - I woke up and took the dogs for a walk in the morning. I worked at an office that has stairs and other employees. I used the stairs a few times. Walked to others in the office when I needed to talk to them. Was more active. I had to pick up something for the dogs at the store so I parked far away and added as many new steps as possible. It was too dark to walk when I got home. But, tThat evening I moved about as much as possible. Getting up off my duff to get stuff. Not being a slug. I logged 7500 steps. Half of what I did the day prior. Hmmm.
Wednesday - I took the dogs for the morning walk and walked a bit further than I normally do. I had 6,000 steps done before I went to my next client. At this particular client's I typically work on my own. I'm on my butt all day. By the time I got home I had a further 500 steps. What? 500 steps. Lord have mercy. Fortunately my daughter and I played Michael Jackson Wii (which was so much fun btw) and I was able to get the pedometer up to 8600. Still not even close to Monday's numbers.
 _Thursday - I had an early morning meeting and couldn't walk the dogs. Somehow I managed 6,000 steps, but I'm not sure what I did. I inhaled some bleach fumes at this particular client's and I'm not sure what I've done since that day. I've been incoherent and ill ever since - but that's another blog post.
Friday - I was ill all day from the bleach fumes, but I did take the dogs for a walk at some point. I managed 6100 steps.
Saturday - today so far 700 steps and its noon. Still ill from the fumes. It's so sad.
 _So that's it. It's been really eye opening for me. I am terribly sedentary even with the added movement of walking with purpose. Walking every morning is not cutting it. The lack of movement involved with my job is taking its toll. The standard is 10,000 steps per day to be considered moderately active. Remember I am not going for athlete here. I'm going for healthy and doable in the long term. I'm not even coming close. Herein lies the problem. Identifying the problem is half the solution is it not? So what to do? I can't change jobs at this point. I'm already adding incidental movement into my life and can up that to an extent, but clearly I need to do more.
 _Change #10 - 10,000 steps or more per day
I'm guessing that since I can't take an evening walk for now, I'm going to have to Gazelle or dance away or something similar in the evenings and keep my movements up to 10,000+ steps per day.
I just need to start feeling better first. I'll give myself a couple more days rest to get rid of these toxins and start again on Monday. Until then ....
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